Monday, January 14, 2008

It Has Been An Interesting Start To The New Year

2008 was supposed to be way better than 2007. So far it's been a hard year. On New Years day I fell and sprained my knee and bruised myself completely arms and leg. Not a pretty sight. Then Ian and I have been trying to figure out to get our marriage back on track. Things have been very hard between us lately. A lot of fighting and frustration. It came to a head a couple days after New Years and I decided I was going to go back home. I just couldn't handle anymore. I went to my friends with my plan and they weren't as supportive as I'd hoped they'd be. Instead of being there for me they decided to find as many ways as they could of telling me how wrong I was. One even went as far as telling me that I wouldn't be able to handle being a single mom. I was too overly emotional. This eventually led to a huge blow up between the two of us. I mean how can you say that to someone? It crushed me to the core. She was also mad that she'd given me so much advice and I wasn't taking any of it. Well isn't that the point of advice for me to hear it and decide whether to take it or not. A few days later things started to even out for me. And Ian and I were still trying to figure things out. When during a conversation he tells me that he talked to this friend. That she asked him to come move a box for her and that when he got there they asked him to sit down. The other friend that I confided in about this situation was also present during this "talk." He didn't get a chance to tell me what was said due to the fact that he had to get to work but he did tell me that it had been a few days before I found out. I was furious! I mean what right did they have? And why didn't one of the three of them tell me about this conversation. I mean Ian could have and didn't. The friend who was there during the conversation had spent the previous day with me and didn't say a word and the person who constructed the whole conversation sure didn't tell me. I called the other friend who had been there and asked her to come by so we could talk. I told her that I'd found out about the conversation and that while I was upset about it (she immediately got defensive and started to raise her voice.) And well that's basically where we ended our conversation because she began to yell at me and I was so pissed off by this point that I started yelling back. She attacked my character and told me that she agreed with what the other friend said and then implied that my other friend (who had stuck by me through all of this mess) had also said she'd agreed with these two others. Well that friend also happened to be at my house at that time and I called her into the room and flat out asked her what had been said and she said the same thing she'd said the whole time and of course the one trying to stir the pot immediately back pedaled. She got mad that she got caught and began to scream again and finally asked for a book that I'd borrowed that I was in the middle of reading. Well that pissed me off even more and I said for her to take it and never come back and she stomped to my front door screaming mean things the whole way and I slammed the door in her face. She apparently then used profanities at the top of her voice outside my house and then left. I sat down in the middle of the floor and fell apart. I mean how could two people who were supposedly so close to me cause me so much pain? How could they believe such terrible things about me? How could they attack my character and my motherhood. How do you do that and say that you love and care about that person? What's worse is that I even started to believe the things these people said about me. And I sent an email the one that stormed out of my house and apologized for yelling at her and telling her to never come back. Do you think that she accepted my apology? Nope infact she threw it back in my face and said I'd betrayed her! I mean seriously you stick your nose into MY marriage and don't tell me and say horrible things about me including my character and my mothering and so much else and I betrayed YOU? I mean come on. Ian and I talked about it and his advice to me was screw them. Let's move on and live our life and try to focus on our marriage and our family because obviously they weren't true friends to begin with. I'm taking this to heart. I'm seriously going to move on. I figured I'd purge my frustration here and then I'd start new. Oh and another thing that happened was that I had an ingrown toenail and it got so infected that it hurt to walk. I had to have half my toenail cut out. It was gross and the tech that was in the room with me turned white and had to leave the room before he passed out. But I'm starting new. From today the rest of 2008 is going to be good. I'm going to make sure that it is. And if bad stuff happens I'm going to hand it over to God and let Him take care of it. Ian and I are actively trying to right our wrongs and get back to the two people who loved each other more than anything. My mommy is coming to visit tomorrow. I haven't seen her since April of last year and I miss her something awful. We are going to have a great visit and I'm going to enjoy my Mom's presence and watching her play with her grandkids and lavish in her amazing cooking. Things are definitely looking up! I'll keep you posted. :)


Thelma said...

bless your heart......things may not be easy when you do turn it over to God but at least you have someone on your side. I pray it does get better and friends may fail you and betray you but God will not.......not to sound cliche. My dh and I have been through many hard things in our marriage but thankfully with God's help we made it through. Hang in there. hugs and prayers

Klin said...

Don't quit. Go on a date, even a cheap one, at least once a week. NEVER let anyone talk bad about your spouse. That is NOT acceptable.

Call me next time. I have a confidentiality agreement that I honor.