Tuesday, January 15, 2008

New Start

Yesterday I felt as if the wind kept getting knocked out of me. I was told some things that have been said about me and they were awful and harsh. I recieved an email that on the outside might look like a nice email just pointing out a few things that was wrong with me. By the time I went to bed last night I was ready to give up. I was ready to believe the things said about me. I was ready to believe that I am in general the worst Mother, Wife, Friend, Person in the universe. But I also talked to a friend last night and she said NO DON'T! Those were her words. The words I kept hearing all night long. I felt as if she were telling me don't believe those things they aren't true. Don't give up. Don't let them win. And all she said was NO DON'T. I am not an awful person. I have an amazing heart and it's a heart on fire for God. It's a heart that is in love with her children and one that's willing to do anything to make her children's lives better. It's a heart that helps my friends in need, and loves unconditionally. It's a heart that no matter what was said or who said them it does not hate. It hurts and feels broken but it forgives. This heart is mine and I am proud of it. I am not a bad friend and I am always there for my friends in need or just to hang out. I am always there for my children and I take very good care of them. I am NOT unstable, too emotional, a liar, or any of the other things that are being said about me. I do not use my fibromyalgia as an excuse for anything. Yes I have chronic every day pain but I'm managing it and I get up every morning, clean my house, take care of my family and I do it all while being in constant pain. If you don't have fibromyalgia then you will never completely understand and if you think that it's just an excuse for anything or that it's not real I would love for you to walk in my shoes even for a day. You'd give them back in about 10 minutes. Trust me. Am I angry? Yes I believe I am. Am I hurt? To the very core. Am I willing to forgive? Yes absolutely. Am I ready to move on in my life? Absolutely. I'm closing a chapter in my life. I'm forgiving but I'm not going to do it anymore. I won't allow myself to be hurt by these people ever again. I know I'm a good mom, wife, and friend. No I am not perfect and I have many flaws and I make mistakes. But I'm ok with that. Truly I am. I can't believe what other people say. Today is a new day. A new start. Today is going to be busy but it's going to be nice. I'm going to see my Mom today for the first time in almost a year. I miss her and I'm so excited. She and I have had our ups and downs and truly things when I was growing up aren't great and they aren't great now but I am certain that my Mom loves me and that when I call her she's there for me. So I'm going to do my errands and go to my appointments and I'm going to do the things that need to get done but I'm also going to the airport to pick up my mom and then we are going out to Red Robin for dinner. It's going to be great! Thanks Lisa for the encouraging words last night. I will think to myself NO DON'T when I feel ready to give up or believe wrong things. Have a wonderful day everyone. I know I'm going to! :)

1 comment:

Klin said...

You can believe what I say. You are a person of worth. You are strong and can survive tough and painful situations. You have survived many tough and painful events.

Fibromyalgia, for those who don't have it, feels like this: After working out, playing sports, or dancing and working your muscles to fatigue, you have a lactic acid build up that is painful to move and achy. The only difference is you didn't get to work out and keeping it moving doesn't make it feel better. Some days you need to sleep all day. It causes fatigue so you can sleep and the extra rest helps reduce the pain some. It never goes away. You just learn to function with pain.

It is real and often misunderstood.
A good deep muscle massage can help if the massage therapist can go deep enough without causing you excruciating pain.

Just don't forget that you are a person of worth. You can be happy. You are a good mom.