Monday, August 25, 2008

We've Come A Long Way Baby!

Today My Brennan started 2nd grade! Yep that's right he's a 2nd grader. I took him to school and I almost cried. He's growing up. I remember when it was just me and him. I hate that he is getting older. I also hate that he's getting so dang tall. I took him to the store yesterday to buy some school jeans because none of the ones he had last year fit him (6 inches too short!) and he went from a 8 to a 10 over the summer. He doesn't need the 10 in the waist it's the freaking length. Soon he's going to be taller than me. Well Anyway I thought I'd be nostalgic today and post his first day of school pictures for the last 4 years.
Preschool 4 yrs old
First Day of Kindergarten 5 yrs old
First Day of First Grade 6 yrs old
First Day of Second Grade 7 yrs old (Today)

Monday, August 11, 2008

Happy Birthday To Me!

So today is my 28th birthday. I've had a few suprises. My boys have been amazingly good today. My dear friend Brenda made me brownies this morning and my little bible study group sang happy birthday to me. My brother called to tell me happy birthday... that's a shocker right now. I came home and found some beautiful flowers from my mother in law that I LOVE. So why is it I'm so sad? Well I know why and I wish that I could change it. This morning when I woke up all I wanted was for Ian to be excited and tell me Happy Birthday and to make it special in some way. I'm not saying presents or extravagance. I'm just asking for him to pay attention. Instead I got "Oh by the way, happy birthday" I felt like crying right then and there and the entire day has been pretty much the same. Ian didn't call today, he didn't text, there was no cake or presents or even a card. Material things don't matter to me but I'd really like it if he would have shown that he thought about my birthday, about me. We've had a really hard time lately and it's because I feel invisible and unappreciated. This day hasn't helped. I would have been happy if he woke up this morning and immediately held me kissed me and said happy birthday. But instead it took over an hour for him to acknowledge it at all and that was when my 7 year old came up and said happy birthday Mommy. There was no hugs or kisses from Ian. My heart is just downright broken. I appreciate the little things in life and the fact that there wasn't even a little thought from Ian crushes me. Maybe I'm being stupid. I just feel disconnected and broken right now. And you know what he doesn't even care. He asked me if I was sick a little bit ago before he left for work? Really sick?!? Well I better go get ready for school. I guess it really is just another day. I'm not trying to have a pity party. Just trying to get my frustration and hurt out. Thanks for listening if you did.

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Wordless Wednesday~~My Brennan


for more wordless wednesday, please visit 5 minutes for mom.

Who Needs It More? Me or Jaxon?

You see it's time. Well, at least everyone else thinks its time and Mommy here isn't so sure. We are embarking on taking away his binkie. Ian really wants to take it from him and is convinced that it will not be hard. However, he is at work for most of the day. He gets him for 4 hours at night when he comes home from work and I leave for school. I'm not saying he's wrong. And part of me knows that he needs to learn to comfort himself. Last night while I was at school Ian put him to bed without a bink. And lo and behold he did just fine. I don't know whether it's because he'd had such a long day and was just too tired to care or that he really didn't need it. So I went through the house this morning and picked up all the binkies and hid them. Ian asked me to try not to give in and give it to him. I'm really going to give this my all. Today I'm going to lunch and to my friend Sarah's house. I hope we make it through because Mommy is going to be brave and not take a just in case one with us at all. I'm so nervous. I don't want a melt down and that's usually when I tend to give in. So I'm not sure who really needs the bink more, me or Jaxon. But I guess I'm willing to give it up so hopefully he will be too? I know this sounds weird but it's a hard transition. My baby is growing up. I can't believe he will be 2 next month. So if we lose the binkie what's next? What else will be able to do? Can't I freeze time and let him stay 22 months forever? It's just not fair. I'm not ready for him to grow up. I guess that's what it all boils down to. Wish me luck. With this transition and my 28th birthday next week Mommy maybe having a nervous breakdown. LOL