Monday, August 11, 2008

Happy Birthday To Me!

So today is my 28th birthday. I've had a few suprises. My boys have been amazingly good today. My dear friend Brenda made me brownies this morning and my little bible study group sang happy birthday to me. My brother called to tell me happy birthday... that's a shocker right now. I came home and found some beautiful flowers from my mother in law that I LOVE. So why is it I'm so sad? Well I know why and I wish that I could change it. This morning when I woke up all I wanted was for Ian to be excited and tell me Happy Birthday and to make it special in some way. I'm not saying presents or extravagance. I'm just asking for him to pay attention. Instead I got "Oh by the way, happy birthday" I felt like crying right then and there and the entire day has been pretty much the same. Ian didn't call today, he didn't text, there was no cake or presents or even a card. Material things don't matter to me but I'd really like it if he would have shown that he thought about my birthday, about me. We've had a really hard time lately and it's because I feel invisible and unappreciated. This day hasn't helped. I would have been happy if he woke up this morning and immediately held me kissed me and said happy birthday. But instead it took over an hour for him to acknowledge it at all and that was when my 7 year old came up and said happy birthday Mommy. There was no hugs or kisses from Ian. My heart is just downright broken. I appreciate the little things in life and the fact that there wasn't even a little thought from Ian crushes me. Maybe I'm being stupid. I just feel disconnected and broken right now. And you know what he doesn't even care. He asked me if I was sick a little bit ago before he left for work? Really sick?!? Well I better go get ready for school. I guess it really is just another day. I'm not trying to have a pity party. Just trying to get my frustration and hurt out. Thanks for listening if you did.

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