Sunday, January 24, 2010

What's in the box?

Today Pastor Roy (at my church WHC) preached on Solomon's journey in Ecclesiastes and his quest for the meaning of life. Essentially saying that eventually we all ask "What is the purpose of life?" He asked us to draw a box at the top of the page and leave it there until the end of the sermon. He went on to say that Solomon tried things such as searching for wisdom, pleasure, and success but realized that those weren't what he was searching for. So essentially the question was this: what are we searching for? What do we think our meaning or purpose is? He went on to say that given being in church the standard answer will probably be Jesus but that isn't what most people truly go after. He went on to give examples of things such as money, sexual pleasure, fame... Saying that those things would be in someone's "box" their meaning or quest for life. I've spent all day thinking about this message and this week God has been tugging at my heart something fierce and I'm still not 100 percent sure what it is He is trying to get me to see but I KNOW that has something to do with this. After I got out of childcare tonight I spent some time talking with my friend Brenda about this. She is a wealth of knowledge and I generally go to her with my questions and things. She simply said to me she couldn't tell me what God was trying to show me but that I needed to ask him to clearly show me what it was. We talked for a while more and she went into evening service and I went home. As I was driving down 89 thinking about our conversation and praying for God to show me, He brought a situation that happened this week to my heart and I said God what is that I am missing? What's in my box? ACCEPTANCE!!! That is what He showed me tonight. I fight so hard for acceptance from so many different sources and the thing is I never feel I TRULY get it. All the negative things about myself play in my head whenever I feel slighted or think about being accepted or in my mind rejected. In my world the two go hand in hand. Two pieces of the same puzzle. Why do I fight for it? Why do I seek it? Why do I never feel good enough or loved enough? I honestly don't have the answer to those questions but I know in my HEAD that I am accepted... that I am good enough... loved... by God. And that is all that matters right? So why can't I get my head and my heart to connect and really ACCEPT God's ACCEPTANCE? I think this is something I'm going to be praying about for a while. Laying it down at the cross daily. Because that's what's in MY box and I'm so tired of MY box!

1 comment:

Andrea said...

Hi Denise! First of all thanks for stopping by my blog and leaving a comment. I love putting faces to my readers... so thank you! Also what a amazing post it really touched my heart, thank you!