Tuesday, July 27, 2010

There are days....

that I wonder what Gods plan is for me.  I struggle so much with this especially when the depression seems to want to swallow me up.  I feel as if life has taken one turn after another and I just can't understand it sometimes.  In February we found out we had orders to Dover AFB, Delaware.  Two weeks ago we found out they were cancelled.  We are staying in Utah for at least another year.  Of course there are many emotions that go with that.  One being disappointment because I had worked myself up to being excited about going to a new place, I'd already started making new friends, and because I would be closer to home.  The other emotion is excitment because Utah has become home for us for the last 5 years and I have a whole life here that I was sad to leave.  But with that said it's hard because I'd already resigned myself to leaving here and I'd begun to say goodbye to my life here.  I'd even felt that God had been working to help me let go of my attachments here.  But then we got the news that we were staying and now I'm feeling a little like where do I belong?  We were moving and I think people were sad we were leaving but their lives were going on whether I was here or not, so they kept right on living.  Now we aren't moving and I wonder if the place I'd carved out for myself here isn't there anymore.  It's something I've been asking God to show me but so far I haven't gotten a clear answer.  I'm praying He will show me that there is a plan in even this and where I fit in. 

1 comment:

Miracles Happen said...

It has taken me almost a year to make new friends from leaving 2 years ago. It is the hardest thing as an adult women to MAKE new friends. I hope you find the piece you need and know that we are going to get together more. Hugs girl