Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Like Glue~ Stuck

Recently I went on vacation and before I left I was a bit overwhelmed. We had so much going on and were so busy. I felt like I had my hands in way too many pots and no way to figure out what I really needed to be doing. I thought going in vacation would surely clear my head and give me a clear direction. We were gone for just shy of a month and when we came back reality set it. I was back where I started and our transition from the Air Force is rapidly speeding toward us. Instead of this kicking me into high gear and getting back on track, I have found myself stuck. Almost paralyzed if you will at not knowing which way to go, what to persue and what to let go of.
This feeling of being stuck has caused me to begin shutting down. It's a weird type of depression I have never known before. I don't know what to do so therefore I do nothing. I stay home unless absolutely necessary. Not because I'm sad or I feel like my world is ending but because it's easier to stay home and clean my house, nap when Jaxon naps, and focus here rather than figuring out where and what I'm supposed to be doing. There are deadlines rapidly approaching that I need to get busy but the thought of it sends me into shutdown mode and even crying spells. I need to get unstuck and get back to life but I'm struggling as to how. This feeling is overwhelming.
I'm on my knees begging God to make it so clear that other people can see it too. So if you do, could you let me share with me? I'll be here, trudging through the glue, waiting expectantly for God's direction.

Thursday, June 21, 2012

A piece of the past

Remember a few weeks ago I posted about my Great Grandma Burgess and my feeling closer to her through crochet? Well I'm visiting my family in Charleston/Summerville SC and staying with my Aunt Judi. We were talking about crochet and she starts telling me about the stuff Grandma Burgess used to make her. She brings this poncho out and I just had to take pictures. It's incredibly precious and special to see something like that. She used a broomstick stitch and now I'm dying to learn it! Oh what a fun trip this has been!

Friday, May 25, 2012

Inner Hooker's Crochet Along Week 1

Week 1 Assignment for the CAL was 2 squares. Here is mine! :)

Honoring the Past with Crochet

One of newest hobbies is crocheting.  Crochet has been part of my life for as long as I can remember.  I used to visit my Great Grandma Burgess in Florida at least once a year growing up.  I remember taking my barbies along and she and I would sit and make barbie clothes together.  She tried to teach me to crochet then and I wish with everything in me that I'd have been able to pick it up then.  So in December of last year I looked up how to crochet on YouTube and began working on learning.  I love it and it makes me feel like I am a little girl all over again. 
So I recently made my first afghan for my mom. It was a huge success and I personally loved it.  So now I am joining the Inner Hooker's Crochet Along and doing this Crochet Sampler Afghan.  I'm sooo excited!  I will be blogging as I go so that I can keep a log of my project.  I want to honor my Grandma Burgess's memory in this afghan.  Will you guys cover this project in prayer with me?
On a side note, I am so emotional lately and I know exactly why after writing this blog post.  I am planning a trip home to South Carolina next month.  It's a surprise for my Granny from my mom.  Both of my living grandfathers have been sick a lot lately and in and out of the hospital.  I feel this NEED to be there and spend as much time as possible with them.  Will you also cover them and this trip in prayer?  

Monday, May 21, 2012

The Heart of the Matter

This morning I woke up and checked facebook and one of the things that stood out to me was a new post from Lysa TerKeurst.  Now she was posting about things she wanted her daughter to know about any person she dates.  The list struck me because I believe that we should be aware of these things in any individual that we spend our precious time on, whether it be a dating relationship, a friendship, a mentorship.  These questions hit me because there has been a situation going on in my personal life (actually 2 separate situations) that I wonder if I had focused on these questions maybe I wouldn't have gotten so wrapped up in the hurt that has since come forth. 
Here is her list of questions and I'm adapting them to friendships.

Worship — Who or what does she worship in the shrine of her heart?



Words — Do her words (spoken and written) build others up or tear them down?


Character — Who is she when no one else is looking?


Personality — Who is she around other people?


Interests — What kinds of things does she do to recharge?


Feelings — Do you feel better about yourself when she’s around?


Attraction — Is your attraction to her centered around something that will stay over time?


When you live for Christ ALL PEOPLE matter.  Please hear my heart.  They all deserve to hear the truth of the Gospel of what Jesus did for them.  They all deserve to be spoken to and loved regardless of the way they look, act, dress.  Why? Because people matter to God and so as people who are becoming sanctified, they should matter to us.  BUT, when you are looking at growing a friendship and letting someone beyond the barriers of your heart I think these key questions should be asked.  If you allow yourself to get entertwined with someone who does not have a heart for God, that does not always seek to build others up, you walk a dangerous path and flirt with the temptation to steer off your path. 


I also think it's a great reminder and a chance to reflect on these questions for ourselves.  So Who and what do I worship in my heart?  Are the things I say and write building others up?Who am I when no one else is looking?  Who am I around others? What do I do to recharge? Will others feel better when I am around? Are my frienships centered around something that will stay over time?


When others look at me, I pray that they see Christ shining through and HIS love for them.  I want those around me to see that I love them and that their trust and friendship is important to me.  Our Pastor did a fabulous sermon yesterday on serving the World.  One of the questions he asked was "At the end of your life, what words do you want to hear?" His sermon was based on the parable Jesus tells in Matthew 25:14-25 about the Master who gives his servants talents according to their abilities. When the Master returns, he says to the servants who have multiplied thier talents, "Well done, good and faithful servant.  You have been faithful over a little, I will set you over much.  Enter into the joy of your master."
Oh my heart longs for Jesus to say those words to me when I finally meet Him face to face. 


So I ask you, what words do you long to hear?  Will you examine your heart with the questions above and contemplate them about the people around you? My Sunday school teacher, Karl, said yesterday "You are known by the company you keep." It absolutely gives me a lot to think about.  How about you?

Monday, January 9, 2012

Exhaustion

Do you ever get to the place of sheer and utter exhaustion?  Where you feel like you are being pulled in 12 different directions and have so many projects unfinished and so much on your calendar? I feel that way.  I'm not sure whether its truly because I've got too much going on or that I'm just completely emotionally drained.  I need to be refreshed.  I need to be filled up again.  I think I need to take Matthew 6:34 to heart.  It says "Do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will take care of itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Now y'all I'm gonna get a little southern here for a minute but ain't that the truth?  Every day for the last week (at the very least) something has either happened or not happened that wasn't good or right.  I am finding that I am worrying (once again in that old pattern) over the future when I'm barely hanging on to today.  I need to snap it back and set my mind on the truth and the real. (Phil 4:8)  I need to take my thoughts captive and make them obedient to Christ. (2 Corinthians 10:5)
I watched Lysa Terkeurst's "Made to Crave" live webcast tonight and something that she said struck me hard.  She asked "are you physically hungry or soul hungry?" My thoughts tonight is am I physically tired or soul tired?  I think I'm both to be completely honest.  But what is going to satisfy that hunger and tiredness? Only God can.  I'm going to be meditating on God's peace tonight (see my post from last night) and focusing on what is true and real. And I'm asking God to rain down that peace and refreshment tonight as I sleep so that I wake up tomorrow ready to face the day, ready to take on whatever things get thrown our way.  Tonight through my exhaustion and soul hunger/tiredness, I have hope and I have promises from God that I can cling to. 

Sunday, January 8, 2012

What If We Were Real

What If We Were Real

At Christmas my kids were given itunes gift cards and so while searching for appropriate songs for them, I found out that Mandisa’s album “What If We Were Real” was on sale.  I love her music so I bought it.  Klove has been out around here for a bit now so I’ve literally played this album in the car over and over!  It is so uplifting and the songs have a great beat.  So maybe that’s why when I was pondering over some things this morning God impressed John 16:33 upon my heart.  It says, “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

There are so many situations (some mine, some friends, and some community) that I haven’t been able to get out of my head.  You know the kind of conversations you replay in your head over and over and come up with things you should have said or done at the time.  Those are the kind of things I’ve been replaying in my mind lately.  I always second guess myself and my guess is that other people do too.  Recently I was facebook messaging a very sweet lady that I’m getting to know and she unloaded her stress, frustration, and doubts to me.  Then she immediately apologized.  She said she was sure she had scared me off.  I haven’t been able to let that conversation get out of my head because I just don’t understand why it isn’t okay to really let people in, really let them know who we are and what we are struggling with.  Maybe when people ask the question “How are you?” instead of looking for the pat, politically correct answer of “good and you?” We should listen to how the other person really is.  Otherwise I don’t think we should ask.  But I think more than ever that we as Christians have to stand up and show that we care about other people, and that we aren’t just wrapped up in our own little lives. 

Many of my friends are facing difficulties and they range from anywhere as “my husband is delayed” to our whole lives are changing and how do we prepare for it.  And yes in some cases there isn’t anything I can physically do other than listen and PRAY.  I think that those two things matter more than anything in the world because they show love, compassion, and action.  So I wonder what would happen if we stopped, asked the hard question of “how are you?” and really wanted to know the answer.  Really cared enough to listen and take action. 

I think maybe God put John 16:33 on my heart this morning because He in his infinite wisdom knew that I would need the reminder that He is in control, the battle is already won, and that I could carry on His love, compassion, and action with peace. I think that He wanted me to realize that listening to other’s struggles isn’t going to weigh me down or burden me because He already is taking that burden and He is giving me peace about it. I can show God’s love by letting the people around me know that I am here. I really want to know how you are. And yes, I will take action, by petitioning God on your behalf and stepping up to help if I can. 

So how about we all start being real?  That we all stop being afraid to show who we are and what is going on inside.  That we show that regardless of the storm, God is in control and that He working in our lives.  Maybe if we were real more people would see God working in the details.

Today Pastor Roy taught on fighting the good fight.  He said our challenge is to “Fight well for the right thing in the right way with the right motive.” He also said that “In a broken world, there are times to fight so that there may be peace.” I think for me that fighting the good fight is being real, showing God’s love, and pointing those who are scared to be real in His direction.

I wonder, how are you going to be real?