Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Like Glue~ Stuck

Recently I went on vacation and before I left I was a bit overwhelmed. We had so much going on and were so busy. I felt like I had my hands in way too many pots and no way to figure out what I really needed to be doing. I thought going in vacation would surely clear my head and give me a clear direction. We were gone for just shy of a month and when we came back reality set it. I was back where I started and our transition from the Air Force is rapidly speeding toward us. Instead of this kicking me into high gear and getting back on track, I have found myself stuck. Almost paralyzed if you will at not knowing which way to go, what to persue and what to let go of.
This feeling of being stuck has caused me to begin shutting down. It's a weird type of depression I have never known before. I don't know what to do so therefore I do nothing. I stay home unless absolutely necessary. Not because I'm sad or I feel like my world is ending but because it's easier to stay home and clean my house, nap when Jaxon naps, and focus here rather than figuring out where and what I'm supposed to be doing. There are deadlines rapidly approaching that I need to get busy but the thought of it sends me into shutdown mode and even crying spells. I need to get unstuck and get back to life but I'm struggling as to how. This feeling is overwhelming.
I'm on my knees begging God to make it so clear that other people can see it too. So if you do, could you let me share with me? I'll be here, trudging through the glue, waiting expectantly for God's direction.