Friday, November 20, 2015

It's been a while...

Wow I can't believe I haven't written anything on here in almost 2 years!  I used to write so often.  I used to keep such good track of what was going on in life.  I guess for the most part some days feel like they never end!  Life for the last two years have been INSANE!  Major life changing events!  Like so big that I still can't wrap my head around everything.  How does life get so hard and so crazy and you not be able to keep up?  Well, that's how it has felt.  So a little update on what has been going on with me since I last wrote.

  • Ian and I separated.  After 13 years of marriage, we called it quits.  It was the hardest decision I have ever made.  It got to the point that I either stayed where I was and gave up on everything or choose to give up my marriage and save my life.  My thought was that my kids needed me more than he ever had or would.  That was a hard realization to come to.  I just couldn't do it anymore.  I loved him more than anything, but I knew that he never looked at me or felt that way about me.  I always tried to convince myself that he did in his own way, but it was denial.  We are still not divorced yet but we are so close to it being done.  Just waiting on his attorney to let us know if they agreed to the changes in the final agreement.  This whole thing has taught me so much, especially about myself.  The good thing that has come out of all of this, is that I know 100 percent that I can survive.  I am surviving!

  • I went back to school!  Crazy I know!  35 years old and back in college!  It's been so challenging but so rewarding at the same time.  I am going back to school for Early Childhood Development.  I actually want to teach kindergarten!  Who knew! I am so close to the finish line for my Associates!  Only 6 more months of school!  ONE semester left! 

  • In January of this year, I moved into a place of my own.  I haven't had my own place since I got out of high school and I had an apartment in Downtown Charleston.  It was so scary!  At first I would lay awake at night and wonder how I was going to make it work.  I would get up often to check on the kids. On nights they were at Ian's, I wouldn't sleep at all.  It took some getting used to but I did.

  • I weighed myself in January at 230 lbs.  I knew I was depressed and needed to get it together!  I started to eat better and tried to move more but I wasn't working out.  In April, after seeing one of my dear childhood friends lose an amazing amount of weight and transform herself, I knew I needed that.  I had a consultation with her trainer (Kim from Bazzle Bodies).  At my consultation, I weighed in at 215.  So I lost 15 lbs on my own.  I hadn't seen under 200 lbs since I had Brennan.   Then began seeing Laurie from Bazzle Bodies twice a week.  I was soooo out of shape.  It hurt so bad and I cried a lot.  I lost 10 lbs in the first month.  I only went to the gym when I had training sessions.  I had no motivation except when she was with me.  But I did start seeing results and I realized I was pushing myself past a new limit each time.  Every time I thought I was going to die, I survived.  In May, Laurie took "before" pictures.  I never saw them.  I cried the day that she took them.  I knew I wasn't happy with the way I looked.  Every time I cried, I wiped my tears and kept going.  It's November now and at my last weigh in I was at 188.  Yesterday, Kim wanted all the Bazzle Bodies clients to post throw back Thursday pictures of our before and afters.  I asked Laurie for mine.  I had no intention of posting them.  I put the before picture in a side by side collage next to a picture I had taken at the end of October after I had gotten home from the gym.  I cried.  The progress was there!  Right there in front of my eyes, I could see my hard work paying off! 

Anyway, there has been a ton more but those are the ones that are the most impactful since the last time I wrote.  It's been a crazy ride but I'm proud to say I am making it out on the other side of another year! 

Blessings, Denise

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